Becoming increasingly aware of my inner life has been challenging. On the one hand there is a real power of self control that becomes possible only when I notice things like resentment and envy before those feelings become actions or dispositions. I can choose to hold my tongue or notice the plank in my own eye before I say or do something harmful to another, or myself.
On the other hand, this awareness doesn't immediately change who I am -- a person who thinks and feels terrible things. Awareness is an important part of the grace that results in transformation, but only an early stage of the process. And part of the reason we don't continue on the path is that the experience of confronting one's inner reality on a daily basis is very unpleasant, to say the least.
While I'm genuinely glad to have the option of reflection and restraint, I'm equally tired of living with the limited point of view that leads to harsh judgments of others, and my attachment to comfort and security which leaves me feeling competitive over scarce resources, rather than light hearted and generous.
This line from Yongey Mingyur Rinponche says it well, "Ultimately, happiness comes down to choosing between the discomfort of becoming aware of your mental afflictions and the discomfort of being ruled by them."
On the other hand, this awareness doesn't immediately change who I am -- a person who thinks and feels terrible things. Awareness is an important part of the grace that results in transformation, but only an early stage of the process. And part of the reason we don't continue on the path is that the experience of confronting one's inner reality on a daily basis is very unpleasant, to say the least.
While I'm genuinely glad to have the option of reflection and restraint, I'm equally tired of living with the limited point of view that leads to harsh judgments of others, and my attachment to comfort and security which leaves me feeling competitive over scarce resources, rather than light hearted and generous.
This line from Yongey Mingyur Rinponche says it well, "Ultimately, happiness comes down to choosing between the discomfort of becoming aware of your mental afflictions and the discomfort of being ruled by them."
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