Desire Itself

2/10/2013

God does not always come to us in the pleasant way we might expect, and so we repress our desire for God.

--Gerald May

God is most often present to me as "I am that I am." My experience of this is usually felt as spaciousness. To my ordinary consciousness it feels like emptiness, a.k.a. boredom, certainly not the "pleasant way" that I prefer. Too often I grow impatient with the Divine presence as I experience it and proceed to repress my longing for God with other desires. The world provides a myriad of options.
For decades I have been shaming myself for this proclivity. Now I'm beginning to see desire itself is a vital gift (even misguided desire--at its root); and so to repress it in the name of holiness is to work against God's purposes. Because desire and longing are indispensible, I don't think it's God's plan to remove them, even though they seem to be the source of suffering and sin.

There has appeared to be only two ways of responding to my desires: satisfy them and reinforce harmful habits, or repress them and lose vital energy and necessary passion--not to mention the unconscious "leaking" that sometimes occurs. I don't think I was ever shown a third way until I became aware of contemplative practices.

6 Comments

Armin

3/2/2013 01:57:30 pm

What goes on now when the Laker Girls are on screen?

David

3/3/2013 03:47:15 am

That's easy, have Sportscenter on the return button. I change the channel.

But the more difficult issue which is implied by your question, is what is the "third way" that I'm referring to?

Because some unhealthy desires find there way into our imaginations and build momentum by there very existence. Turning the channel by busying ourselves with something wholesome seems to be fairly effective for some people, not so much for others.

I've come to feel that there is an invitation from God even in unhealthy desires, not in fulfilling them, but in experiencing the desire itself in God's presence. There's a gift in this that can not be received in any other moment or circumstance. That's why I can say, "Welcome!" And if fact, the more proactive I am in welcoming the desire and God into my experience of it, the more freedom I find. Bearing difficulty alone is not what the Trinity has in mind for us.

The gift that I'm referring to is unique to each individual, but generally speaking, it has to do with connecting to the deeper desire that has been masked by the superficial, unhealthy desire. The result is to become increasingly drawn by desire for God and all that that implies and less and less ruled by rules, or shame, or appearances.

Some people are gifted with what is commonly referred to as will power, they manage their lives, are in control, and able to avoid consipicuous sin. This is a gift and a curse. The gift part is obvious, the curse is the sense of independence and pride that invariably come with it. That's an entirely different subject, however. The issue here is what is God's provision for those of us who are not so gifted or gifted in ways that our culture, religious and otherwise, don't value or recognize.

I trust that God provides as much grace for the addicted person as the successful one, and that the grace is unique and lovely and ever present. In this way every condition is an access point to the spirit. Everything is revelation. And every revelation is an invitation to deeper desire.

3/3/2013 04:18:37 am

I wanted to mention one more thing. We naturally wish with all our hearts that the desires that hinder us would go away. But anyone who has been around the decades and spirals that make up a life knows that this is not the norm. God works in reality and is not overwhelmed by the human condition, which is both worse and more wonder filled than any of us can imagine.

I guess I mean to say that the primary goal is not victory but proximity, whatever victory comes from abiding comes in God's timing and is pure gift.

3/4/2013 02:12:53 pm

Your comments are quite helpful, much thanks.

Freddie Valdez

3/4/2013 02:40:48 am

Reminds me of the beatitudes. Those that hunger and thirst for righteousness (holy desires) will be filled. I agree it does come from revelation. Paul knew this stuff, "This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief." 1 Tim. 1:15 I think he was conscious of his chiefdom at the very crux of his ministry height.

3/4/2013 05:56:44 am

It is an important discerment to, as you put it, be "conscious of one's chiefdom" without losing heart. To know and accept the truth about ones self and find God there encouraging you to continue even in your unfinished, limited condition.

Desire Itself

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David Norling

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