I Refuse to be Driven, so that I Might be Drawn
I'm done with prohibitions, with will-power, with shame & guilt, and definitely comparison. These are the tools of empire, the isolated individual, and tribal morality. I am free.
But what does that leave me with? How do I manage my baser impulses? How do I fulfill my responsibilities as an interdependent human-being filled with light and darkness?
It leaves me with nothing, nothing but Grace. Grace is gift, freely given, but must be received. The gift of Grace puts one in a healthy relationship to self, others, and all creation.
That's all well and good, you might rightly say, but how does one receive this Gift?
This is what I hope to discover, by going all-in. I intend to refuse driveness, which is a tools of coercion, like those listed above, and assume that the Grace I really need and desire is available. That all things are lawful, truly, and that the beneficial alternatives can be discerned and embodied.
Either God is present and active and Grace is readily available, or not. Nothing else is worthy.
According to Simone Weil, the only function of the will is attention. It's merely a pointer, not a power. I'm not going to use up the limited energy available to my will by exercising it as a muscle of force. When I've used it as a source of control it quickly runs out of power and leaves me with less control than before.
The answer then to the question "How do I receive this liberating, empowering Grace?" I look for it and cultivate a willingness to be drawn by it.
My practice then is simple. I sit quietly three times a day in a state of willingness. I am willing to be drawn by Grace. That may mean facing hard truths, feeling uncomfortable feeling, and remembering and imagining things that I am drawn to do.
The regular practice strengthens my awareness of my ongoing relationship to Grace. And my refusal to use the tools of coercion to drive myself hinders me from falling back into old patterns and effective but limiting strategies. The strategies that one learns in childhood and from one's culture are okay as far as they go, but it's clear that they DO NOT provide real and lasting freedom
Going all-in, trusting in Grace rather than proven strategies of self control, may seem like a risk, but at this stage of my life it feels like the only worthy option.
I'm done with prohibitions, with will-power, with shame & guilt, and definitely comparison. These are the tools of empire, the isolated individual, and tribal morality. I am free.
But what does that leave me with? How do I manage my baser impulses? How do I fulfill my responsibilities as an interdependent human-being filled with light and darkness?
It leaves me with nothing, nothing but Grace. Grace is gift, freely given, but must be received. The gift of Grace puts one in a healthy relationship to self, others, and all creation.
That's all well and good, you might rightly say, but how does one receive this Gift?
This is what I hope to discover, by going all-in. I intend to refuse driveness, which is a tools of coercion, like those listed above, and assume that the Grace I really need and desire is available. That all things are lawful, truly, and that the beneficial alternatives can be discerned and embodied.
Either God is present and active and Grace is readily available, or not. Nothing else is worthy.
According to Simone Weil, the only function of the will is attention. It's merely a pointer, not a power. I'm not going to use up the limited energy available to my will by exercising it as a muscle of force. When I've used it as a source of control it quickly runs out of power and leaves me with less control than before.
The answer then to the question "How do I receive this liberating, empowering Grace?" I look for it and cultivate a willingness to be drawn by it.
My practice then is simple. I sit quietly three times a day in a state of willingness. I am willing to be drawn by Grace. That may mean facing hard truths, feeling uncomfortable feeling, and remembering and imagining things that I am drawn to do.
The regular practice strengthens my awareness of my ongoing relationship to Grace. And my refusal to use the tools of coercion to drive myself hinders me from falling back into old patterns and effective but limiting strategies. The strategies that one learns in childhood and from one's culture are okay as far as they go, but it's clear that they DO NOT provide real and lasting freedom
Going all-in, trusting in Grace rather than proven strategies of self control, may seem like a risk, but at this stage of my life it feels like the only worthy option.
